What to look for
- Training. Look for someone who has completed a formal formation program in spiritual direction, usually two or three years, and not only a weekend course.
- Supervision. Good directors meet regularly with a supervisor of their own. It's a quiet sign that they take the work seriously.
- Confidentiality. Ask how they handle it. The answer should be simple and firm.
- Tradition. Some directors work within one tradition; others are ecumenical and welcome people from any background. Choose what helps you feel free to speak.
- Fit. You should come away from a first conversation feeling heard, not managed.
Questions to ask in a first conversation
- Where did you train, and do you receive supervision?
- What does a typical session look like with you?
- How often do people usually meet?
- What are your fees, and do you offer a sliding scale?
- How do you handle something that might need a therapist?
In person or via Zoom?
Both work. Many people like meeting in person, especially at the start. Zoom makes direction possible for people with demanding schedules, long commutes, or a season full of travel. It's fine to mix the two.
What it usually costs
Fees vary. At Inner Life, sessions are $50 to $100, agreed together, with reduced-fee spots always kept open so cost is rarely the reason someone goes without.
If you're in New Jersey or the Tri-State Area
I'm Rev. Ryan Irmer, a certified spiritual director trained at Francis House of Prayer and Lead Pastor of Wilson Memorial Union Church in Watchung. I meet with people in person in Long Valley, Watchung, Princeton, and Warren County, and via Zoom anywhere. I also meet regularly with a supervisor of my own, as I have for twelve years. The first twenty-minute conversation is free, so you can ask every question above and see if it's a fit.